everything's just wonderful

christmas time is a time to give and not to recieve.

its the time of year where true love should be felt

the perfect time to open our hearts to everybody.

but why does it feel like i'm the only one who is missing something.

why do i feel so empty?

does anybody have the answer to this?

"iibo0m: common sense is rare with her" OST [LOL]

IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?



So, here's how it works:



1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)

2. Put it on shuffle

3. Press play

4. For every question, type the song that's playing

5. When you go to a new question, press the next button

6. DON'T LIE! That's not cool!

7. When you're finished tag some other people to do it




My Soundtrack



OPENING CREDITS> wish you were here - incubus



WAKING UP> lollipop - lil` wayne



FIRST DAY Of SCHOOL> make it with you - bread



FALLING IN LOVE> blue and yellow - the used



FIGHT SONG> gold digger - kanye west



BREAKING UP> change your mind - the all american rejects



PROM> let it roll - secondhand serenade



LIFE> flying without wings - westlife



MENTAL BREAKDOWN> teddy picker - arctic monkeys



DRIVING> billie jean - michael jackson



FLASHBACK> ballroom blitz - sweet



GETTING BACK TOGETHER> baby can i hold you tonight - ronan keating



WEDDING SONG > wanted dead or alive - jon bon jovi



BIRTH OF CHILD> yuzurenai negai - tamura naomi



FINAL BATTLE> the way i are - timbland



DEATH SCENE> skater boy - avril lavigne



FUNERAL SONG> o pare ko - eraserheads



END CREDITS> yo! - chris brown

R.I.P. Lola Ruth

its has only been 5 years that i've known Lola Ruth completely and no matter how much of a handful she can be, she was the favorite Lola of our clan. everybody has their own memories with lola since childhood and i'm a little bit disappointed that i didnt have those memories. but i made other, more meaningful memories with her. i shared these memories with the whole clan during the eulogy last sunday... read through it if you want...

"Good evening everybody. I would like to start by saying that the cousins who were here in the US are very lucky to have Lola Ruth look after you when you were kids. I didn’t have that chance because Lola Ruth migrated here before i was even born. But to me, it’s ok if Lola didn’t look after me when I was a kid because I got the chance to look after her. And it’s through taking care of her that I finally made up my mind about certain things in my life.

I started watching over Lola with Kim about a week or two before thanksgiving holiday because Lolo was in the hospital. On Thanksgiving Day, no one could stay the night with Lola at their apartment… the elders told me to go and I was fine with it. Since I didn’t have any change of clothes, Auntie Ebbie gave me a pair of her scrub suits. Before sleeping, Lola says “Shiela… uniporme mo yan? Maganda tignan. Bagay sa iyo”. I didn’t realize the message behind it until I started thinking about those days I took care of her. Being stubborn as I was, I just shook it off. And it’s not until the next sleepover that I made up my mind.

Ate Marliz, Kim, my sister Bae, and I were eating out that night when my mom called me and told me “Bung punta ka kina lola ha kasi nasa hospital pa si lolo mo. Dun nalang muna kayo matulog ni Bae.” And I said, “ok patapos narin naman na kami kumain.” So I tell everyone the situation and everyone decided to have a sleepover at Lola’s. After eating we went to Lola’s place, had some chit chat for a few minutes and then when Lola wanted to get ready to sleep we assisted her to the bathroom and changed her into her pajamas. However, we had trouble changing her into her diapers which took all four of us to fix. We had her slightly laid down on the bed while we put the diaper on when Auntie Lilet comes in and says “hey what are you doing to your Lola???” we said, “trying to put the diaper on her… hehe” then Lola says “lahat sila ga panghingkamut sa paglagay saakin ng pampers ko pero ikaw nagagawa mo magisa” and then she laughs… for ate marliz, kim, bae and I, that was probably one of the last times we saw Lola Ruth laugh like that… and since that day I told myself I will pursue nursing no matter what. Even though she didn’t actually say that I should pursue nursing, the simple things she said and did was enough encouragement for me.

To Lola Ruth, I am sure you’re in a good place with our Lord. We will always be reminded of your kind and loving nature. You always and forever will be in our hearts."

its hard to watch a loved one lying down in a coffin, be buried under the ground, and watching everyone else cry their hearts out. i thought i could play the part of the strong one. the one who anyone can lean on when their crying... but no; i, too, broke down crying. it was too painful for me to see my Lola as a cold cadaver; and only one can imagine the pain i felt when my Lola is being buried under the ground. i also couldnt handle seeing my loved ones hurt... because it hurts me too... family and relatives of Lola Ruth shared the same pain and through that pain, everyone united.

we are devastated for our loss... but the best way to see this is as a blessing... to both Lola Ruth and to us, the family she left behind. because now she can finally rest in the hands of our Lord Almighty in Heaven with no pain.




"you dont realize what you have until its gone" -so cherish the memories. LIVE, LOVE, LAUGH with the ones you love the most while you still can and show them how much you love them.

this just in...

ok i'm officially a school girl [again] after what... 2 years missing in action, here i am again trying to study my butt off... but mind you... this is college now. i've kissed my social life goodbye... after this spring quarter its a busy me. i wonder if i'd still have time for friends... hmmmmm. but that doesnt matter because i know they'll understand. i have such wonderful friends and i love them all!

/sigh...

funny how i still do these commands thinggy when i dont game anymore. /LOL

sushi, barbecue, and oysters. mmm-mmm

today was one of the KKSSM days. its a well spent day with my cousins and my sister. we had a time limit though... the reason: a night over at my uncle's house in diamond bar.

HOW THE DAY STARTED OUT
i miraculously got up the first time my mother nagged me to get up. isnt that just a big miracle? anywho, the condition for letting us out was to help around the house and so we did... then we went out, ate some sushi, went back home, and then went to diamond bar! hhahaha. just peachy. :)

THE HACKS
(kimba was hurr; i love u girl)
[hey teh booom...si bae to i pinesh ur oreos sorry...they r just sooooo good and i gotta hav my chocolate im getting my period soon lmao so yea i saw ur blog bout meh and yea i love it and i love u...thanks buury mach]

15 years ago...

let me start this blog post by saying that i love my sister so much and i wouldnt trade her for any other sister in the world. she's the best sister anyone could ever have. but of course, i say this wholeheartedly with just a teensy weensy hint of sarcasm. tsk. just kidding on the sarcasm part. everything else is sincere. anyway, i thought i'd post up a blog about how my love for this fine young lady came out to be...

ok so i was four years old when my mother got pregnant. i was excited but at the same time worried. i was the first born of my parents and the first grandchild of my mother's parents. since we lived with my grandparents, i was pretty spoiled by them... even my aunts spoiled me [they still do.. :D] and i didnt want it to end. the days went by and my baby sister finally went home. she was the cutest baby i've seen [the only cute baby at that] on my age at the time [5 years old]. she was my sister. my doll. my property. as naive and irresponsible as i was at the age of five, i thought that i could do anything with this gift from my parents. i was a toy wrecker. any toy or what i think of as a toy would be shielafied and my sister wasnt an exception. i've done pretty sadistic things to her. pretty much anything to kill her without realizing it.

as time progresses, my attitudes mature and i've grown fond and overprotective of my sister. she can be the older sister of the two of us. she's much more responsible, and the prettier one out of the both of us. she gets annoying sometimes but i appreciate those "get-off-the-computer-game" efforts she does on me... its the main reason i quit gaming [for now :P]. she's my personal consultant; may it be about fashion, love, or life in general. we still have those "bitching at each other" moments every once in a while but at the end of the day, we're back to being best buds which proves to me that nothing could compare to the power of love that sisters share for each other. even tough love counts.

to my ever so lovely sistie, may God shower you with his blessings. always remember to be thankful of what you already have and not ask for anything more [getting skinnier counts as asking for more btw]. i love you sis!

HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY
SHERMAINE JANN ESTRADA DAYOT!!!

"sisterhood is probably the most competitive relationship in the family. but when the sisters are grown, it becomes the strongest relationship" -this was taped on our wall. a quote that describes the kind of relationship that my sister and i have.

my special day

its 6:54 am as i start this blog...

as a few would know... its my birthday today. i've wasnt expecting anything new or something from friends... but they never fail to greet me... may it be advanced, on the day, on the hour, or late, they would still wish me a happy birthday. so sweet of them <3

there might be more later on so i'll keep this blog running for until later on... time check every time i update. :)

anyway... so from the bottom of my heart i would like to thank each and everyone who took a few minutes out of their time to greet me a happy birthday on this day...

just peachy!

woooooow there's more drama downstairs than there ever would be in my family... man this couple just wouldnt stop fighting ON HIGH KEY! oh my damn... one day i think i heard them beating each other or something because it was pretty loud down there... i heard noises like banging against the wall, i heard door slams, i also heard bitching. hahaha. maaaaaaaan... is this really how african american couples fight? like seriously... i'm pretty sure they're mature enough to realize that other people are living in the same apartment duplex [or whatever you would want to call this raddy old place] who prefer their neighbors to be more quiet... or what i would say... ON THE LOW KEY.

but daaaaaang seriously though... this couple has been on it nonstop... there's not a day that they wouldnt argue or fight with each other. i'm getting tired of them bitching at each other. its either they're in the wrong freaking neighborhood... or my family is. come to think of it, i think my family is in the wrong neighborhood... i like our past neighborhood better not only because it almost majority filipino but also because its quiet there... though i doubt that its any safer because i live in Los Angeles for crying out loud... there isnt any peaceful neighborhood here unless you live in the suburban area. i know, i know. i admit. i live in a ghetto neighborhood. but i'm kinda getting used to it... but i still like the quiet neighborhood... well maybe not too quiet... just PEACEFUL :) [just realized i contradicted myself... but hey... i'm weird like that. hahaha]


as all that ^^^^^ up there is said and written down, i would like to announce that my birthday is coming up. and like last year's birthday, i'll be spending it alone at home doing nothing. a very, very wasteful way of spending your 20th birthday aint it? /sighs. i know, i know. but hey... i've got responsibilities to attend to... with that said...

...this is my to do list for tomorrow as a responsible eldest child:
- wake up early to drop off sister to her friend's house
- wait for 30 mins until i can finally drop off my brother to his school which is about two blocks away [and no i dont drive so the only method of transportation my brother and i would use are our feet. aint that just peachy?]
- go back home do nothing for my birthday [well maybe experiment cook... depends on my mood]
- wait for 6 hours until i can finally pick my brother up from school
- make my brother change clothes, eat "merienda", do his homework, and read
- wait for my sister's call so i can open up the front door for her because she doesnt have house keys
- then wait for my mom to come home [maybe cook dinner before she comes home and yell at me]
- eat, do dishes, go online, whine about what a despicable day i've been having, then finally go to sleep.


...oh the joys of being the eldest child. such a wondrous privilege.
and apparently, it would always be my pleasure... @_@

aaaah... its always good to be sarcastic once in a while... it shows the world how annoyed you are.

can i get a "POBRE" ?

... no?

... didnt think so... :(

until next time... or maybe tomorrow

depends on my mood really...

ADIOS!

"save the drama for your momma" -i'm gonna have to do this tomorrow to cut down on the whining... but eh, i dont think i need to though

wtfreak?

its totally not working out for me. seriously, blogging is getting more complicated than usual. i cant really go on everyday and update my blog. it gets tiring. and the points to talk about here in my blog... erased that on my agenda. i think i'll make this as a public journal and put everything in it... and i mean EVERYTHING.

taking a detour from my insanity up there ^^^... i thought i should share something abnormal that i did today... SO usually i wouldnt talk about my plans out loud with my mom or dad... but earlier today, i asked my mother if i can go out on the day of my birthday... and here was the conversation between us:

ME: mom can i go out on my birthday? PLEAAAAAASE???
MOM: you cant... who's gonna pick up your brother from school?
ME: ask dad to do it for the day... come on mama i spent last year's birthday home alone with nothing to do... i was really bored... and besides we're just gonna go eat out :(
MOM: no shiela... you dont even have money to treat your friends to go out and eat... shame on you.
ME: i'm not the one paying though... john is.
MOM: oh so its only the two of you going out to eat then huh....?
ME: yeah... :D
MOM: /sighs... well you have to ask your dad.
ME: O_O...................................

ok so my dilemma... i know what my dad would tell me... he's going to think that its a date [which it is... i think] with a BOY... and he doesnt approve of that. but i also know that if i didnt try and make an effort to ask my dad, i could never forgive myself because i'm not putting any effort into a relationship that i'm trying to build up. when would be the perfect time to ask him? what would his reaction be? if he says no, how can he let go of me when i decide to get married [which is 8 years from now]? i'll try tomorrow....

"try and try until you succeed" -this applies perfectly to my situation... and the answer to my dilemma... or part of it....

september babies :)

happy birthday to the people i know who were born in the month of September <3


~Annica Asha [2nd]
~Maverick Chengcuenca [2nd]
~Stephanie Castillo [5th]

~Jaime Dayot Jr. [8th]
~Angelica Ramirez [10th]
~Emma Bailey [11th]
~Philip Busalacchi [12th]
~Louvyn Suson [12th]
~Mycol Mariwa [12th]
~Ryan Marasigan [13th]
~Jude Aba [13th]
~James Estrada [14th]
~John David Chumacera [14th]
~Lira Edding [14th]
~Shiela Jane Dayot aka iibo0m aka ME!!! [15th]
~Jessica Loppez [16th]
~Jesus Estrada [17th]
~Shermaine Jann Dayot [17th]
~Angelica Saez [21st]
~Melissa Katigbak [25th]
~Kimberly Dayot [29th]
~Joana Lawama [30th]
~and to all the people whom i dont recall the birthdates or full names

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO US!!!

yay to us September babies!!! :)

cars.

freaking out and really stressed. yeah that's what i feel right now. i dont even want to talk to people over the phone. /sigh... anyway... i've been looking for a cheap car to get around with... [yes i have a budget of 3k only]... so far i've found really old models of cars... and i need like from year 2004-present... if possible... anywho, i plan to take my written exam on monday... and then my actual driving exam like 2 weeks after. hahaha. right i dont even know how to drive... like... i havent nailed it yet. so i'm screwed. but yes... it would be the most greatest gift i could give myself. i turn 20 in less than a month. and i am really... like seriously freaking out... AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

"you cant face the problem if the problem is your face." -tsk. something to make me laugh... and maybe put a grin in your face somehow... si? no?

revenge vs. karma

"revenge is sweet; karma is sweeter"

i know what you're thinking... oh gosh its that KARMA shit again... now where have i heard that one? sweet, sweet revenge. everybody seeks it. everybody wants to have it. but nobody realizes that with revenge, starts a chain. a chain where everybody could turn against each other in the name of REVENGE. yes, i know... it is sweet to get revenge on someone. through experience... it is the best feeling ever. but i cant do but notice that whilst i enjoy the effects of my revenge, my guilty conscience would not stop bothering me. until now my conscience still bothers me. so i've decided to see things in another perspective. i've decided to not take revenge and leave them to their own karma. and yes, i think KARMA is sweeter. this could be the sinister side of me talking... it could be not... but think about it... you not having to do anything just yet but the other person's karma is eating them alive already. hehehe. well yeah. that's about it. KARMA KARMA KARMA!!!

tsk.

i just realized... i rarely update my blog.
but i want to make it to a point that i put up as much of my thoughts as possible concerning people dear to me.
so from now on, i'll be starting portions about topics that intrigues me.

- FYI portions [anything you need to know about what's up in the world... i guess]
- YOURS TRULY portions [my personal thoughts about certain things in life]
- UPDATES portions [doses of personal intrigues... the dramatic life :)]
- THEY SAY, I SAY portions [quotes from different people... and i attempt to break it down]

well i guess that's everything... TOODLES!

. W . I . S . H .

i know that i made promises
promises that turned out to be compromises
"together forever we will be"
broken, that's how promises are meant to be

i couldn't make up my mind
there's still answers left for me to find
its all so confusing, so i'm running right now
i would love to stop but i don't know how

i would still cry day and night
still hoping a miracle could happen tonight
i want to hear you say those words again for the last time
those words that would always have a rhyme

at night, i would still have dreams about you
and i dont deny that the rumors were true
the longing, the missing, and the loving...
the torture has been so tormenting

but to feel your lips pressed against mine
is something i've been trying to find
so i would never ever be fine
until your lips are pressed against mine

and to feel your touch once again
is one thing i would love to gain
i long for it every single day
yes, every single day that i try to be okay

so, now is the time to be sincere
i do, i really do want you to be here
i don't care if i'm being painfully selfish
i just want you to grant me this very last wish

a text message

"when you're scared to face the future, and its too painful to linger in the past, dont forget to look beside you. i am here. just hold my hands, hold them tight. i'm scared too. but i will never leave your side."

sad

sitting down in front of her laptop typing up every word she could think of and hoping to put it up in a blog. she pauses. her head is in a deep swirl of mixed emotions. she looks up but looked back down to the keyboard instantly. its dark out and she wants to stroll down the streets hoping her feet would take her to a place where she can find peace. she imagines things, places, people, and instances where she can find that peace. then she realizes that no matter how much she would think about it, she still wouldn't find that peace that she's looking for. but wait. there is a way. a way that would bring her somewhere that is close to peace. she's debating to and fro. she stops. wanting to shed tears, she tries hard to end the blog. there she's done it.

"hold on to something worth fighting for" -dramatic. emotional. determined.

1 1/2 months into my bday countdown...

i was dancing earlier this evening... man... that was some workout.
i was sweating like crazy. hahaha.
anyway, my birthday is coming in a month and a half.
that date is nearing again... what will i do?
i dont have money, and i cant find a job. this is just great.
i wanted a small gathering with my friends... but it seems impossible.
a surprise party aint that bad either with both my family and friends.
i dont know... i'm really stressing everytime my birthday comes up.
i should be busy... be very busy and forget my birthday.
yupp that's what i'm gonna do. :)
i hope next year would be different though.
after my 21st birthday, i'm going to forget my birthday so i wont stress about it anymore.
but its so annoying. arrrrrgggghhhh.

oh yes, tomorrow my better half comes home from the philippines.
i cant wait to chat with him every night.
oh shoot. i forgot to tell him to forget about my naggings...
i was asking him to buy me some dunkin donuts... hehe. funny.
i feel like such a user. i'm sad :(

yupp yupp.

ADIOS!!!

"try and try until you succeed." -hehe. i just feel like it.

. L . I . F . E .

L... is for LOVE.
it is a mystery...
very tricky to unfold,
and tormenting when revealed.

I... is for INDULGENCE.
it is as saintly as it is sinful...
sinful to anyone selfish,
saintly to anyone selfless.

F... is for FRIENDSHIP.
it is everlasting and true...
strengthened by trust, sincerity, and humbleness,
crippled by distrust, pretense, and arrogance.

E... is for ENDURANCE.
it is our suffering...
made difficult by choices,
and excruciating by sacrifice.

LIFE... is obscured by LOVE;
spoiled by ‌INDULGENCE;
prolonged by FRIENDSHIP;
and secured by ENDURANCE.

prayers... :(

today... i just realized how important life can be, and how empowering our prayers and symphathy can be.

a very young and beautiful lady is currently suffering from a stroke due to anemia and bacterias in her bloodstream
she's in the intensive care unit of kaiser permanente here in los angeles...
my sis, my couz, and i are going to visit her tomorrow to see how she's doing.
i hope HE gives her more time to live. i pray for her well being and speedy recovery.
she's too young to leave her parents... and she's the eldest.
i could just imagine tita carol's agony...
may GOD BLESS her and give her strength... same goes to her dad and siblings.

after a few hours of finding out about her condition... i come across yet another grave news from my better half's kuya.
he told me the real reason why their third brother died [back home]...
he was found dead in his room with 7 stab wounds in his body.
even i could not believe what i found out... how can someone do something inhuman???
i mean its more acceptable to find out that he died of his health condition...
but to find out that he was brutally killed like he was an animal... its enough to make me lose some of my sanity.
for Kuya A, i pray that may you find peace where ever you are and may justice be in your side.
for the family you left, i pray that may all of them find peace in their minds, souls, homes, and where ever they may be.
i also pray that they acquire justice in the name of your death and their love for you.
for the weak ones who's done something this inhuman to you, i pray that may the LORD cleanse their souls so they can do the right thing and cooperate to bring you justice.
you will be missed Kuya A... may you rest in peace and may the LORD, HIS MOST HIGH, bring justice to your death.



after all this, i'll leave their salvation in YOUR ALMIGHTY HANDS, MY LORD. i humble myself in prayer and may YOU heed them.



"life starts or ends with you. so make the best out of it." - a realization that our lives are just borrowed and can be taken any time, any where. so make the best out of it.

c0nd0Lences

my better half is back in his hometown for a funeral.
i've always known that life is too good to be true.
no matter how happy you are, there would always be something bad that would happen to balance out the good things that's happened.
and the story goes....

it was a warm sunday afternoon. my cousins and i walked down the street to meet up with him. "its going to be a fun day" i said to myself and put on the best smile i could give for him. as we drive to mine and his favorite boba place [bobatime], i crave for his touch but i know better than that so i restrained myself and deprived my long waiting hands of his free hand. a sigh escaped through my nose... a sigh of longing. 'i must satisfy this hunger later on when i have a moment alone with him" i thought. we reach our destination and bought our delish cooling drinks. on we go driving through the freeway to the theaters to watch a movie. "this is the best summer of my life! i cant wait for the rest of the day with him" is the only thing i have in my mind while we walk and wait for our movie to start. about two thirds into the movie i told him "i gotta go to the restroom." "me too. lets go out together" he replied. so we did our businesses and on the way back into the dark big screen room full of movie watchers, he tugs on me and gives me a passionate peck that turned into a passionate kiss and i returned the favor of course. "dammit." i thought when we stopped. we entered the door of the dark room. "i missed you so much" he said and almost immediately gave me a hug and again, the long awaited passionate kiss that would've lasted longer if it wasnt for the movie. so we went back to our seats and enjoyed the rest of the movie. the movie ended and we get out and walked towards the coffee shop [starbucks]. while all 5 of us walked he says to me in a hushed tone that only i could hear, "my brother just died...we're going back home to the philippines today or tomorrow. i have to go." my world froze for a bit more than a second when he said it. i cant believe it... just when we're both having our time together, something comes up.

and so, yes him and both his parents are back home.
his 27 year old brother died of stroke. him and his brother were really close.
you will be missed kuya A and may you rest in peace.

"love dies only when you've given up on everything" -hik. true. hik. very true. hik.

funky doo =P

haha that title... freaking baby... we were chatting last night and then he told me "mahal i have a new name for you"
so i was like "what is it?" and then he says... "scooby dii!!!" haha so i said "haha ok so i'm scooby dii... but you're funky doo!!" hahaha
anyway, i miss him =( like i SERIOUSLY miss him... i want to see him... feel his arms wrapped around me... know that he'll make sure i'm safe and sound... waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. this is making me miss him even more.

so lets talk about another subject to get my mind off of my baby for maybe a few minutes...
hmmmm... 2 months until my birthday... my 20TH BIRTHDAY!!!
fck this is stressing to think about... i dont wanna be 20 yet =(
really really stressing. but at least baby and i would be on the same age group =)

oh my goodness he's online now!
i can talk to him already!!!! yay !!!
BABYYYYYYYY !!!!!

ADIOS ya'll !

"let's not wait for the grass to grow" -haha true. just because i dont like waiting. i can be very impatient. tsk tsk....

the m0nster in me

sooooo....i had my monthly visit last friday [oh7.0three.oh9]... and this wasnt the most typical 1st day.
the main symptoms were present and very noticeable... and i admit that.
i had abdominal pains, back pains, and headaches to the point that i felt a migraine coming.
when i got home... additional load of pain got me... which led to heightened irritation.
but i didnt mean for that to happen. i cant just control my hormones you know...
so anyway, after dinner, my mom told my sister to wash the dishes...
by this time i was calmer... more mellow. so i decided to watch TV... wait a bit to fix the dining table.
when i got up... i end up fixing the table and starting doing the dishes... which i didnt have to since my mom told my sis to do it.
my sister went up to me and told me to stop because i'm doing her job... but i wouldnt budge.
so she got mad... and told me... "is this what you think of me?" [to be honest, i didnt know what the heck she was talking about when she said this]
and then she stormed out of the dining room... through the narrow hall way... into our bedroom... stomping her feet while doing so.
and then BOOM! my heightened irritation reached its peak.
i stormed after her into the bedroom and yelled "what the FCK is your FCK`N problem??? what the FCK do you FCK`N want???"
she was just standing there... fixing her clothes in her closet... MAD and NOT SAYING A THING
so i slapped the back of her head... [in chavacano we call it KAKAL]
i was on the verge of losing myself and about to go crazy hurting her when i realize that "FCK SHE'S MY SISTER. MY BAYBOO. WHY DID I JUST HURT HER LIKE THAT?"
then i told her... yelling "you know i have never done this kind of thing to you when you were growing up... when we were growing up... because we're too close" and i lie down on my bed...
but just as when i thought my anger was over... she yells at me... sounding like she meant it from the heart... "BECAUSE YOU'RE BEING A BITCH!!!!!"
right when she said that i jumped off my bed and pulled her by her hair yelling at her... "WHAT THE FCK DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME???? WHAT THE FCK DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME????????!!!!!!!" i was so mad that i almost got crazy hurting her.
but then i saw her eyes. that's when i stopped and lay back on my bed... watching my sister cry in frustration.
i couldnt bare seeing her like that... and i couldnt bare knowing i'm the cause of her pain.
i went outside... accidentally slamming the door behind me.
my mother hears it and she goes on with her routine of hurting words and irrational decisions.
i ignore these words that are coming out of my mom's mouth because my main concern was how my sister felt after i deliberately hurt her... [ok exaggerated on the deliberately part]
i go into our now empty room and cried while taking out the remains of the quote that we both put up on our room's wall that read "sisterhood is probably the most competitive relationship in the family, but when the sisters are grown, it becomes the strongest relationship."
after that... i felt like i lost a part of me... like my life wasnt complete.
thirty minutes after our fight, she comes in while talking to her friend on the phone...
then i hear "hold on ok? hold on." and then she comes over to me and hugs me and says "sorry ate... i'm sorry"
my heart melted when she said this... and continued talking to her friend...
then i stopped what i was doing and did the same thing to her...
and that's how we ended up being close again... like nothing happened.

now i gotta end this cuz its long. haha. and i'm starting to tear up.

ADIOS !

"you dont know what you have until its gone." -this happened when i saw the teared up letters of our wall quote. i thought i lost my bayboo sistie... turns out... we love each other too much to stay mad at each other... :)

sick. stiLL??

ANNOYING.

that should describe how this 7-day flu is turning out to be.
fck. it wouldn`t even give me a break.
and i am worried because 4th of july is in 2 days and i'm not getting any better.
wow. i just got sleepy. haha dozed off for like 5 mins.
i was bored today so i tried entertaining myself.
i danced, sang, played sorority life on facebook... BUT I WAS STILL FCKN` BORED.
so i decided... hey what about logging in to GUILD WARS.
i've been addicted to that game long enough to realize that its been affecting my studies.
it wasnt till late winter to early spring of `09 that i realized that. haha how horrible.
anyway, i logged on and played for i think 10 minutes.
i did the MINISTER CHO'S ESTATE MISSION in the FACTIONS CAMPAIGN on HARD MODE with my usual 3 NECROMANCER HEROES.
haha. finished that shit for i think 5 mins. haha i'm such a noob.
and then i tried doing another one... but then i got bored... so i logged out.
after that, i wished i had another game that i play. hahahaha.
oh man this is getting long. i dont really post long blogs. its not in my nature.

till later, ADIOS!

"you cant face your problem if the problem is you face" -bahahaha. hilarious.

errr.. fLu.

ok so... H1N1 virus... formerly known as swine flu is still out and about here in the US.
and i'm afraid that i got it.
so what started out as me choking on water [or was it juice??]
ended up into a very nasty flu.
so i was drinking i think water or juice right... and then all of a sudden i choke on it.
i tried getting it out my air pipe but it didnt get out.
so i think it got irritated and thus resulting me into having a sore throat.
that sore throat ended up into a what i think was tonsilitis.
then... the flu came about.
i dont know anymore... i'm like really really sick.
my tummy's rumbling.
weee i'm talking to ricks... haha aawww he's moved on.
ate's happy =D....
well i gotz to go.

ADIOS !

ahahaha.

ok so its saturday today... and its early in the morning.
i'm missing my better half. =/
i was over at his house on thursday and i was opening a can of corned beef so i can cook it with the veggies
but it didnt open all the way so i had to open it with my hands right...
and then... next thing you know, i had a metal cut on my right index and thumb...
so now while i'm typing, i have a bandage on both fingers.
it hurt while it lasted but thank goodness that i heal kinda fast.
thank you collagen. but seriously though, i thought i was losing blood because i kept on bleeding and blood wont stop coming out.
but i'm okay now with all the bandage and stuff
life's still good =)
dengit, time to change bandages.
well i'll write back as soon as i can =)

SAYONARA !

"there's no point in saving someone who doesn't want to be saved." - haha. learned this on my own. people keep on telling me this but i dont listen.

wo0o0o0o0ho0o0o0o !!!

FINA-FUCKING-LY MAN !!
i'm done with that horrible essay !
i had 2 finals today...
i thought they were both so horrible
sociology class was just horrible but i had to go
philosophy class was just too horrible that i just turned in my take home final and went.
sheeesh.
well post more details about today's "daily experiences" later on...
i gotta go to my momma cuz she's calling.

ADIOS !

0h my guLay !!!

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG !!!!!
LAKERS WON SECOND HOME GAME OF FINALS!!!
I'M SOOOOOOOOOO HAPPY !!!!!
all they need to do is win orlando courts and they're the champs <3

stiLL... ???

ok so i still havent finished the goddmned final essay ont THE ETHICS.
i am waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too distracted right now...
especially now that i'm excited, nervous, and kinda blah about my life.
haha.. excited because of future events that i have in my plans
nervous because in two weeks i might have a formal introduction to the parentals... [THAT'S SCARY OK!!!]
kinda blah... because i turn 20 in 3 months... and its NOT FUNNY AT ALL !
i dont want to say goodbye to my teenage years yet... :(
i literally means... i wont have a life after i turn 20... >.<

ugh. essays.

again... ?
i`m here again ?
damn when will i ever learn ?
hahahaha. well i'm just here to relieve some stresses.
i'm a little moody right now...
mr. bf decided to log out on me while i'm explaining to him what i was going to do tonight.
to be honest it fucking irritates me a lot when people do that...
like right in the middle of the conversation, they log off...
that's just rude and disrespectful and arrogant.
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesssssssssssssssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
oh well... i'm gonna go back to the keyboard and concoct me a 3-5 page essay on THE ETHICS by BENEDICT DE SPINOZA.
i know... i still havent finished on that shit.
grrrr... and i gotta memorize my japanese skit for tomorrow's presentation.
ugh... i am hating my night life. HONESTLY.

well... ciao !!!

"a drunk man`s words are his sober thoughts" -so true of a quote

june aLready ???

yo.
goodness me. june already ?
and guess what else.... its freakin` finals week next week !
dengit !
haha. funny part is... i'm still in the computer doing useless shit.
hmmm... i cant help it... my computer is my addiction.
i thought gaming was until i found out that i could quit as easily as i got addicted.
sheesh... i suffered countless nights of gaming withdrawal symptoms though...
its like everytime i see a word that is associated with my game, i crave for it...
good times... good times...
wow... now that i think of it... i could go on and on about this blog.
but then again i gotta finish midterm revisions and my final paper that's due [take note] NEXT WEEK !
haha what am i worrying for ?
well, on top of having to do a 3-5 page essay on ETHICS by BENEDICT DE SPINOZA
and revising a 5-7 page essay on SYMPOSIUM by PLATO...
i have to do a reflection paper that's due this wednesday [this one is easy... just answer opinionated questions]
and review for elementary japanese finals... trust me it aint pretty. >.<
and still i ask myself right in this moment... "WHAT THE FUCK AM I STILL DOING ONLINE AND PUTTING UP A BLOG?"
my answer would be.... "I AM SUCH A BIG MOTHAFUCKIN` PROCRASTINATOR"
whoa... something's up in the livingroom... i hear a fight... i think...
well that's my cue... adios amigos !

"SMARTER. NOT HARDER" -quote under the SOBE cap

0h deary me...

oh deary me.... so yesterday was the day i thought that i was going to die of pain.
faintage level was going on HIGH... and i dont know what to do.
i wrote everything that happened to me in my notebook but in tagalog.
haha. it was as hard as a dck would be to remember those words. [tsk. nice visual huh?]
my filipino grammar still needs some working on... but anywho this was what i wrote...

"[04-22-09] Itong araw na ito, nagkadalaw ako. Hindi ko akalain na sasakit ng husto and tiyan ko. Nagpahinga ako ng humigit kumulang na traynta minutos sa aking higaan ngunit hindi tumigil ang kirot. Ipinilit ko ang aking sarili na pumuntang banyo upang ilabas ang mamuo-muong kung ano sa loob ng puson ko. Hirap na hirap ang aking katawan at sistema na gawin ito ngunit kinakailangan. Nagdesisyon akong maligo na upang makapaghanda na ako papuntang iskwelahan. Pagkalinis ko sa aking sarili upang ako ay makapasok na sa "shower", biglang sumakit muli ang aking puson. Habang ako ay nagpapakabasa na sa iloob, ayaw sumunod ng aking mga binti at paa upang ako ay makatayo ng mabuti. Ipinasya kong ilabas muli ang mga namumuo sa loob ng aking puson. Ipinagpatuloy ko ang pagliligo ko ngunit hindi kjo na itinapos dahil mahuhuli na ako sa aking klase. Nung mga minutong iyon, akala ko ako'y mamamatay na. Hindi ko matiis ang kirot at parang hindi na kinakaya ng aking katawan ang lahat ng kirot na nadama ko. Hanggang ngayon ay kumikirot parin ang aking puson ngunit hindi gaya nung kaninang umaga na parang ikamamatay ko na ang kirot.
* Ang utak ko ay kumikirot na. Tangina kaloka itong punyemas kong guro sa "philosophy" parang nanggagaguu lang ba sa "lectures" nya. Lintek na yan. tsk."

so i was in class that time and i was soooo bored and sht i was having my monthly visit.
everything seemed so blank to me. like i was on a daze. i dont know... maybe i was. haha

Lo0o0o0o0o0ong ass time since i g0t back here huh... ?

anywho... so i'm bored out of my head and i have nothing else to do...
i just got back home from a party (which i enjoyed ever so much...)
and i am tired...
i could use some sleep right now but i'm waiting for mr. bf to get back from being afk (away from keyboard)
gah my eyes just shut right now... and i yawned...
anywho... my poor little brother is sick as in with a fever sick...
and my mother is all worried (like all parents should do...)
but my dad is mad... wanna know why? well too bad i aint tellin` ya.
so for the past few errr... months that i havent been on... i've done many things
lost and regained relationships, break ups and make ups, and all sorts of happenings.
i would really love to say that i'm contented but...
i dont feel like i am... why? because mr. bf is not with me.
i feel really secure while asleep in his arms... *sigh
and now i'm longing for him... how clinggy of me...
anywho... i'm out... eyes couldnt take it any longer.