the m0nster in me

sooooo....i had my monthly visit last friday [oh7.0three.oh9]... and this wasnt the most typical 1st day.
the main symptoms were present and very noticeable... and i admit that.
i had abdominal pains, back pains, and headaches to the point that i felt a migraine coming.
when i got home... additional load of pain got me... which led to heightened irritation.
but i didnt mean for that to happen. i cant just control my hormones you know...
so anyway, after dinner, my mom told my sister to wash the dishes...
by this time i was calmer... more mellow. so i decided to watch TV... wait a bit to fix the dining table.
when i got up... i end up fixing the table and starting doing the dishes... which i didnt have to since my mom told my sis to do it.
my sister went up to me and told me to stop because i'm doing her job... but i wouldnt budge.
so she got mad... and told me... "is this what you think of me?" [to be honest, i didnt know what the heck she was talking about when she said this]
and then she stormed out of the dining room... through the narrow hall way... into our bedroom... stomping her feet while doing so.
and then BOOM! my heightened irritation reached its peak.
i stormed after her into the bedroom and yelled "what the FCK is your FCK`N problem??? what the FCK do you FCK`N want???"
she was just standing there... fixing her clothes in her closet... MAD and NOT SAYING A THING
so i slapped the back of her head... [in chavacano we call it KAKAL]
i was on the verge of losing myself and about to go crazy hurting her when i realize that "FCK SHE'S MY SISTER. MY BAYBOO. WHY DID I JUST HURT HER LIKE THAT?"
then i told her... yelling "you know i have never done this kind of thing to you when you were growing up... when we were growing up... because we're too close" and i lie down on my bed...
but just as when i thought my anger was over... she yells at me... sounding like she meant it from the heart... "BECAUSE YOU'RE BEING A BITCH!!!!!"
right when she said that i jumped off my bed and pulled her by her hair yelling at her... "WHAT THE FCK DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME???? WHAT THE FCK DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME????????!!!!!!!" i was so mad that i almost got crazy hurting her.
but then i saw her eyes. that's when i stopped and lay back on my bed... watching my sister cry in frustration.
i couldnt bare seeing her like that... and i couldnt bare knowing i'm the cause of her pain.
i went outside... accidentally slamming the door behind me.
my mother hears it and she goes on with her routine of hurting words and irrational decisions.
i ignore these words that are coming out of my mom's mouth because my main concern was how my sister felt after i deliberately hurt her... [ok exaggerated on the deliberately part]
i go into our now empty room and cried while taking out the remains of the quote that we both put up on our room's wall that read "sisterhood is probably the most competitive relationship in the family, but when the sisters are grown, it becomes the strongest relationship."
after that... i felt like i lost a part of me... like my life wasnt complete.
thirty minutes after our fight, she comes in while talking to her friend on the phone...
then i hear "hold on ok? hold on." and then she comes over to me and hugs me and says "sorry ate... i'm sorry"
my heart melted when she said this... and continued talking to her friend...
then i stopped what i was doing and did the same thing to her...
and that's how we ended up being close again... like nothing happened.

now i gotta end this cuz its long. haha. and i'm starting to tear up.

ADIOS !

"you dont know what you have until its gone." -this happened when i saw the teared up letters of our wall quote. i thought i lost my bayboo sistie... turns out... we love each other too much to stay mad at each other... :)